The snacking has got to go!

I weighed in this morning. I'm up to 225. Not good. I can't blame it on eating bigger meals. It's all the damn snacking I've been doing. I've got to wrap my head back around this losing weight thing. Easier said than done.

Sweet and Sour

That's not describing my dinner tonight. That's describing my recent good news from my surgeon's office and the bad news of the economy.

First, the sweet.

When I went to the support group meeting last week, I was told that Dr. S does not have any restrictions on when we can try to get pregnant after the band. I was very excited about this as some recent research revealed that using donor embryos costs in the $3,000 to $5,000 range.

Next, the sour.

Hubby's restaurant is struggling right now. Big time. A recent increase in prices hasn't even scratched the surface of the shortages he is experiencing. Labor costs the way they are is going to force him to make some tough decisions. We've had to make some tough decisions.

For right now, we just can't afford to try for a baby. Between me still paying off all my medical bills from being in the hospital this summer to new bills cropping up due to having to get a new crown (and another one next year), money is beyond tight. It hasn't helped that I've been having to buy new clothing, and a new coat and jacket, so I've put myself on a spending freeze.

Things will turn around. I just need to give us some time to build our savings account back up, to get back in the black, and lose a bit more weight. Time, it's about all I got right now.

Every other day morning tightness?

Okay, so yesterday I ate the rest of my turkey/cheese roll up along with the hard boiled egg. No problem.

This morning, I bring the same thing for breakfast and once again, could only eat about 1/2 the turkey/cheese roll up, and no egg, before I felt stuck/full.

What gives with this?

I am definitely feeling restriction! Yesterday for lunch I ate a tostada and 1/2 a beef enchilada with a couple bites of refried beans and Spanish rice. Ate the other half and my chicken burrito last night for dinner (it was a small burrito).

And my scales? Showed a loss! Of almost 3 pounds! I was at 223 and it's down to 220.2. Of course, part of it was that I got a hair cut and an eyebrow/lip wax. No more mustache for me! By the way, it was only the second time I've gotten my lip waxed. It didn't hurt quite as bad this time as it did the first time.

I skipped zumba last night to get my hair cut. So I need to make sure I go tomorrow morning to zumba class to get in my exercise. Don't want to lose any ground on this new loss.

Adjustment

I went in today for an adjustment. I had 7.6 ccs in my band. I again got the lecture of not eating yogurt for breakfast. I need to eat solid protein. Not just for breakfast but for my snacks too, so no more pita chips (after I'm finished with my open bag ;~).


Before he filled me up, he took out all of the fluid. That hurt! I don't know why it hurt, but it did. In fact, I'm still kind of sore from it. Not my stomach, but where the tubing runs to my port, and then it referred it to my back too. That is so weird.


I'm not sure if he put more in there or not, as when I glanced at my chart, he wrote down 7.0, so perhaps with him taking out all my fluid then putting it back, it re-arranged my stomach inside my band, and that will now be a good restriction. We'll see.


I also need to get serious about cutting back on the mid-meal snacks. I know if I did that, the scales would start showing a smaller number. By the way, according to his scales, I've stayed the same weight since my appointment in August, which is precisely what my scales at home have shown.


I forgot to ask him about when I can start TTC again. I could kick myself for forgetting to ask! When I go next month for the support group meeting, I'll ask then. So Tracy, if you go next month, don't let me forget to ask!

The slide

Has it begun? Time will only tell.

Update

Per my GYN's scales, I'm down 72 pounds (this time last year I was 292). So that's good news.

As far as trying the low tech way to have a baby, that's not going to happen. IUI or even good ol' fashioned sex. My weight is down, but I'm still 39 and my eggs are still old. That won't change.

So that's it. It's either going forth with donor eggs/embryos, or consider adoption.

Forgot

I forgot to weigh myself this morning before I started drinking my coffee. Oh well, I'll just see what the doctor's scales have me at.

Hmm - NLS? Do I have this?

I read on another bandster blog about a new condition that is out there that many bandsters (and others who are losing weight) suffer from. It isn't a medical condition, but more of a mental condition. New Low Syndrome.

Basically, when you hit a new low weight, your mind starts playing games on you, and before you know it, your new found healthy habits have flown out the window and you're back to your old bad habits.

This describes me to a T right now.

Hopped on the scales this morning and it said 221.something. I could still blame it on AF, but the bag of St.acy's pita chips in my desk drawer, the chocolate peanut butter T.wix bar that is on its way out of my system, and other goodies certainly have played a role in it. Granted, I do get the munchies and chocolate cravings during this time of the month, but since band, don't indulge them quite so much.

Oh well. I'm trying to stay up with my working out, so my indulgences aren't so terribly bad, but considering I had a low weight of 217.something, that's a four pound difference, and well, it won't take long for it to get even bigger if I don't stop this destructive behavior now.

It's funny. Since my last fill a couple weeks ago, it seems like I can eat even more than pre-fill. Isn't that just so weird? I wonder why that is.

AF already?

Ok, I've not been keeping really close track of my AF, but I think she is coming awfully damn early this month. I need to keep a closer eye on her, as it seems like it was only three weeks ago since she showed up the last time. Hmmm.

But that would explain the reason I'm only down 0.2 pounds. Well, that and my eating habits sucked this week.

Really?

This morning, as part of my normal routine, I stepped on the scales. But what do my wandering eyes see?

A NEW LOW WEIGHT!

217.6

EEK!

I stepped on the scales twice, and I got the same reading both times.

That's pretty damn cool, if I say so myself! This no sweets thing and the fill on Monday is working out great!

Got a fill

I went in this afternoon for an adjustment. I had to justify why I needed one to the office manager. When I spoke with the doctor, and gave him the reason why I thought I needed a fill, he agreed. He ended up giving me 0.6 cc's. That's 0.2 more than he has been giving me!

So now I need to be really careful and see how I do with this one. I don't want to start getting any PBs or get stuck.

It will be interesting tonight as we have a birthday party to go to. I'm going to try to stay away from the cake (I'll let you know later how I do), but I'll need to be careful with what I eat. I'm really hoping I feel some significant restriction, if not tonight, then in the days to come.

Oh, his scales have me at 222. A lost of five pounds in the last 2.5 months. That just is NOT acceptable to me! lol

Accountability - can I do it?

I have been struggling. As I've said before, I have a huge sweet tooth. I knew going into this that my band would not prevent me from indulging my sweet tooth. That I would have to control it.

For a while, I did really well. Not that I ever didn't indulge it, but I was limiting it to once or twice a week.

Right now? It's a daily thing. If it isn't s'mores, then it's ice cream. Or cake. Or something.

I want to change that. I need to change that. I've set a goal for myself to lose 100 pounds from my highest weight by the time I've been banded one year. In order for me to do that, I must really cut back on my sweets consumption. I think if I were to do that, my rate of weight loss would greatly improve.

So this is what I plan on doing: I will post daily if I did or did not indulge my sweet tooth.

I don't know if it will help me or not, but I do know that if I have to be accountable to someone other than myself, maybe I'll think twice about sticking that sweet into my mouth. My plan is to only indulge once a week.

I hope I can do this. I want to do this. I need to do this. Something has got to change. I can't keep this up for much longer, otherwise my scales are going to start to go in the opposite direction.

The 20s are almost gone

I knew from when I stepped on the scales last night that this morning's weigh in would be a good one, and I wasn't disappointed.

220.0

Not an ounce over or under.

Twice.

I'm on the verge of breaking into a new decade. It's exciting! It's been a long time since I've seen those kind of numbers.

I've never really verbalized on my blog what my one year bandiversary goal is. I commented on someone else's blog the other day (was it just yesterday?) that I'd like to lose 100 pounds from my highest weight of 294 by December 17, 2010. In order to do that, I need to lose an average of 1.5 pounds per week here on out.

I can do that! I will do that!

If you are in your first year of banding, what is your one year bandiversary goal? It doesn't have to be a number on the scale. It can be a BMI, or a size of clothing, or even participating in a sport - such as a 5k or 10k.

Let's band together (hehe) and support each other in reaching those first year mile stones. I know we can do it!!!!

Potpourri

It's been a while since I've talked much about anything IF related. Since we are taking a break in order for me to lose weight, we are not actively going through any IF treatments, so therefore I've not had a lot to say about it. However, I have a few things to share that have happened recently.

As you all know, Hubby and I recently purchased a travel trailer. It was something that we've wanted for a while now, but put on hold due to fertility treatments. We finally decided that we must still live a full life. And that putting some money into a "toy" would be worth it.

A couple from church, who have three children and are struggling a bit financially until she is finished with her student teaching and becomes a full-fledged teacher, commented about a camping trip they were taking this weekend. She said that they would be staying in a tent, but only going overnight, since they didn't have a "new fancy trailer to stay in." I wanted to tell her that I'd trade having children for a travel trailer any day, but I didn't.

However, Hubby did say something to his cousin who made an off-hand remark about trading their daughter for our trailer. Hubby said we'd do it in a heartbeat. Later, the cousin, his wife, and another couple came over that night for dinner and games. The cousin and wife brought their one year old with them. She is a great little girl. We both love her and are so thankful that she has blessed our cousins. Little "S" was being a typical little one year old in not wanting to go to sleep that evening. After finally getting her to go to sleep, the wife asks Hubby, "Are you sure you want kids?" and he said most definitely!

Our desire for children hasn't lessened any at all. Although we may not be making the big deal out of it that we were while going through treatment, we still want children. However, we are really putting our faith in God right now to provide for us. Either to provide us with a natural pregnancy or provide us with the funding to pursue donor options. And, if it doesn't happen, to provide us with the peace of accepting our situation.

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I got to thinking that it has been a while since I've gone in for an adjustment. Ten weeks, to be exact. In that time, I have lost an average of a pound per week. I am having issues still with eating between meals, eating more than I think I should at meal time, and with my sweet tooth. Plus, I know that if I weren't exercising, I'd not be losing anything, as demonstrated this last week where I actually gained.

I called and am scheduled for an adjustment in two weeks, as the doctor is out next week and he sees his Lap Band patients on Mondays.

Gilly had a post today about her restriction level that has me thinking too. I am able to eat just about anything. The one thing I haven't really allowed myself to have is pizza crust, except for the cracker crust you get at Papa Murphy's. I can eat pasta, rice, bread (although I don't eat very much bread), meat (including steak, ground beef, chicken, ham, pork chops, etc.), reheated meats, salad, raw veggies, even popcorn. I don't PB and I don't slime. I am blessed that I haven't had any problems with my band (I don't consider my GB surgery and resulting prancreatitis band problems).

So while I've had good weight loss in the last ten weeks, I think it's been more because of my efforts at exercise than totally my band. I'd really like to get it to where it is both. That if I don't exercise, I'm still losing, but if I do exercise, I lose even more. Does that make sense?

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Today I went home for lunch. I was planning on eating a Lean Cuisine type of meal, but decided on the way home that I'd stop off at Wendy's and get the Mandarin Orange Chicken salad. During the drive, I heard on the radio an ad for these new salads and didn't realize that they were at Wendy's until afterwards when they were talking about Frosties. So I pulled in and ordered one of their new Pecan Apple Chicken Salads. Oh. My. Goodness! It was yummy! Roasted pecans. Diced fresh apples. Dried cranberries. Bleu cheese crumbles. Grilled chicken. Mixed greens. Pomegranate vinaigrette. Delish as Rachel Ray would say. And I couldn't eat it all, so I'll have some to eat tonight. Now I haven't looked up the calorie count, but most of the fat will come from the cheese and pecans, and to me, it totally is worth it. You should go by and try one. They have four new salads, and each one of them looked very yummy.

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If the weather cooperates tomorrow and is only in the upper 90s, then I'm going to wear my new black boots, new capris and new top to work. I then have Bunco tomorrow night and think it would be a great outfit to wear. Maybe more of the ladies will notice my weight loss as some of them haven't said anything, although I'm surely not looking for compliments! Yeah right, I want lots of compliments! lol

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Normally, I don't make too much out of how many followers I have, as I know from personal experience, there are quite a few blogs that I read through my Google Reader that I haven't clicked follow, and I'm sure that's the same for my blog with many of you. However, as of today, I have 69 followers. Hehe. 69.

So thanks to all of you who are following me! I'm trying to make sure I follow you too, so if you don't see me on your list of followers, and want me to be there, leave me a comment with your blog addy and I'll be sure to click through. Otherwise I may just add you to my reader and be an invisible stalker.

Support group tonight, drinking, and boobs

I actually put a reminder on my work calendar and on my home calendar about tonight's lap band support group meeting. So maybe I won't actually forget this time, like I have the last two months, although I'm using my gall bladder surgery last month as an excuse.

We'll be finishing up (I think) a three-month weight challenge we had. It's based on whoever lost the greatest percentage of weight. I estimate that I've lost roughly 15 pounds in the three months since the challenge started, which is about 6.3%. I'll be excited to see how I did compared to the others. I really hope we all lost!

One thing I want to ask tonight is about drinking soda. As you know, it's been since December 16 since I had my last Diet Pepsi. While I have gotten over the severe cravings, I do find myself every once in a while just wanting one. Not needing one, but wanting one. I want to see what the doc says. If he says yes, then I need to see if there is a particular time when it is best to drink it: before a meal, after a meal, how long after a meal (more than the one hour minimum, that is). And if he says no, then, I'll just deal with it. Or I may try it. I just keep getting that image in my head of my psychologist drinking his large diet coke during my evaluation appointment with him. And my surgeon did his lap band surgery too. So I figure if he can drink it, perhaps I can too. We'll see.

Right now I'm drinking a Venti Black Iced Tea from StarBucks. It is actually pretty good. The only improvement I would make to it is a lemon wedge squeezed into it.

Oh, and I really do need to go buy some more bras. Either that or I need to do my laundry more often. Wearing my old bras really makes me feel like an old woman whose breasts are hanging down around her knees.

My rings are falling off!

I was just sitting here on the couch, reading through some blogs, and I felt my rings slip. I gave my hand a little shake, and my wedding and engagement rings came right off!

I find that my fingers are much thinner at night than during the day. Which is weird. However, I am either going to have to quit wearing my rings, or buy something to put on them so they do not slip off.

What have you done to ensure you don't lose your rings prior to getting them resized?

Mmmm, aahhhh!

Can I just say that I really enjoyed getting back into the pool yesterday for water aerobics? I have so missed it! My muscles missed it! From the get go, I could tell that it has been a month since I last dipped a toe in chlorinated water!

I bet the people at the Y were like, oh, nice to see ya again, lazy butt! Not really, but really. It's been about two weeks since I worked out on the treadmill. How crazy is it that now that I'm finally wanting to work out, all these darn health issues have prevented me from doing it? Well, they're not keeping me from it, any more. I went last night and I'm going back tonight, this time to walk on the treadmill.

I love the treadmills at our Y. They have built in TVs. So for the first 30 minutes, I walk to my ipod tunes, then the next 30 minutes, I flip on the TV and tune it into the Food Network, and watch whatever is on. I really like doing this on Saturday mornings when they actually have cooking shows on, unlike in the evenings when it is usually Unwrapped or a challenge, because then I get so caught up in the recipe they are making that I want to finish watching it, guaranteeing that I'm on the tread for a minimum of 30 minutes, if not more, depending on when the show starts.

I was looking at the health and wellness schedules for July and the first part of August and I think I'm going to try some new classes. They've got a kick boxing class that really gets the cardio revved up, and then a Y Firm class that combines cardio with strength training. I'll have to sit down tonight and map out exactly what I want to do so I make sure not to miss out on anything, as some classes are only once a week. Another thing I saw was that they offer a beginners Zumba class, called Zumba Gold, that shows you the basic steps. I wished I would have taken that when I first started Zumba.

I'm starting to get lots of compliments on my weight loss. I think it's because I was finally able to purchase and wear size 1XL shirts. Before that, I was still in my 2XL, though slightly baggy, still fit. Now I can wear the 1XL and they are not too tight, so my loss is really starting to show. I may soon have to also buy some more work slacks as my 20Ws are really baggy in the butt/hips area, although the waist is just right. I wonder if that's because my tummy is still a bit swollen from a combination of the GB surgery and the ERCP scope I had done last week? If so, maybe my waist will soon shrink enough to make buying even size 16s possible. A girl can only hope, right?

Do you know what my ultimate panty-creaming, euphoria-producing, clothing goal is? To be able to wear knee-high boots. I have never been able to do this as my calves are so big! Perhaps I've just never shopped in a shoe store that offered a good range of options, but when I reach that goal, you may just hear me screaming in ecstasy! Just wanted to forewarn you!

Wow - seems like it took forever!

Today the scales finally show that I've lost 70 pounds. Well, 70.8 pounds, actually. It's been a tough road getting here.

Besides all the unfortunate side effects of losing weight (gallbladder surgery) and the complications from that (pancreatitis), just battling the issues that most of us face when losing weight has been tough!

• Head hunger
• Sweet tooth
• Motivation or lack thereof
• Exercise regimes or inability to exercise due to whatever reasons
• Laziness in upkeeping new habits - good habits
• Allowing old bad habits to creep back in to our routines
• Busting through or waiting to get through plateaus

All of these things make it very hard to keep on keeping on. For some of us, me especially, this hasn't been so much a physical effort, but a mental effort. We all understand the physics behind losing weight: burn more calories than what you take in. That's the easy part. The piece I find truly hard is convincing myself that I really don't need that chocolate chip cookie, or that extra bite of dinner, or that exercising is really beneficial. I know these things. But how does a person who knows what they're supposed to do get beyond whatever it is in the back of their head that tells them that they don't need to do what they're supposed to do? A shrink? lol

It's a vicious game we play with ourselves. I know that many people have won, and have battled that voice and defeated it. Many of us are still battling it, myself included. Others, they haven't yet started the battle, and that's where the victors can help. Blogging our experiences not only helps us to track where we are and what we're doing, but it allows others who are following behind us to benefit from the battles we've faced. That's why I love both of the blogging communities that I'm involved with: IF and WLS. Each community has a wealth of knowledgeable voices to provide a helping hand and encouragement to get through the fight we're in.

I'm looking forward to my next 10 pounds. I'll be down in the 2-teens then. It has been since about 1993 that I've weighed that little. OMG, that's 17 years! I didn't realize it had been that long ago. Wow, I can't believe that I was so complacent with allowing my weight to get so out of control for so long. I really didn't want to think about it, I guess. I knew it, but just didn't allow myself to truly understand the ramifications of being super morbidly obese. Now that I think about it, I was playing with fire, and just hadn't gotten burned yet with high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, heart disease, etc. It would have been only a matter of time before those issues would have reared their ugly heads.

In closing up this long post, I want to thank everyone who has followed my story, from the beginning when I just started my journey through fertility treatments through my weight loss journey now. Knowing that I've had people who I have never met (although I have met a few of you now) that cares about me and wants to provide the encouragement and pieces of themselves with me, well, it means the world to me. You all rock!

Non scale victory

Yesterday evening, we had softball practice for the upcoming tourney that we are playing in at the end of the month. I was able to hit the ball repeatedly, run for the damn thing when I didn't catch it out in left field, and run to first base, all without getting winded, or my knees hurting, or my back hurting. I would not have been able to do this last summer. NSV!

What a great feeling!

I'm back to working out. I'll be going to the Y tonight to do the treadmill for an hour. Again Thursday.

Saturday I'll return to my Zumba class, perhaps Sunday too, depending on what we end up doing for Father's Day. I'm not sure if I've shared this with my readers or not, but my Hubby has a daughter from a relationship he was in back in his early 20s. She just turned 17 and is staying with us for a while during her summer vacation. I asked her this morning to think of what she'd like to do on Sunday to celebrate Father's Day.

I think I'll be able to get back in the water next Monday for the aqua interval classes. Then in July, I'll see about introducing weights back into my exercise routine. I'll start off with just 15 pounds, see how I feel, go to 20, see how I feel, and work my way up.

For my fellow WLS followers, you know and understand how excited I am to see my collar bones emerge. They. are. almost. there! I'm thinking another 10 pounds and I'll be able to see them without shrugging my shoulders. I can easily feel them. Oh! I also saw my shoulder blade just sticking out just clear as day! I could actually see the outline of the bone, without the round softening that extra layers of fat provide.

While I have been pretty much plateaued this last five weeks, I think my body shape has been shifting. I like it. :0)

Progress report

This week I lost 2.6 pounds.

I also took my measurements as I haven't formally taken them since November 6, 2009. Not too bad and it has helped boost my morale a bit as I was feeling a bit down about my progress.
One measurement that isn't on here is the one right below my bust line. It is only 42". I was in a 48I bra when I started with my weight loss, currently am wearing an 44G and am thinking I may be down to a 42F, but haven't bought any bras to confirm that. I'll wait a bit longer before I buy new bras again as they are not cheap and I just can't buy a couple, as I'd rather have a week's worth than do laundry every other day. I'm weird like that!