That's not describing my dinner tonight. That's describing my recent good news from my surgeon's office and the bad news of the economy.
First, the sweet.
When I went to the support group meeting last week, I was told that Dr. S does not have any restrictions on when we can try to get pregnant after the band. I was very excited about this as some recent research revealed that using donor embryos costs in the $3,000 to $5,000 range.
Next, the sour.
Hubby's restaurant is struggling right now. Big time. A recent increase in prices hasn't even scratched the surface of the shortages he is experiencing. Labor costs the way they are is going to force him to make some tough decisions. We've had to make some tough decisions.
For right now, we just can't afford to try for a baby. Between me still paying off all my medical bills from being in the hospital this summer to new bills cropping up due to having to get a new crown (and another one next year), money is beyond tight. It hasn't helped that I've been having to buy new clothing, and a new coat and jacket, so I've put myself on a spending freeze.
Things will turn around. I just need to give us some time to build our savings account back up, to get back in the black, and lose a bit more weight. Time, it's about all I got right now.
Showing posts with label To become a Mom. Show all posts
Showing posts with label To become a Mom. Show all posts
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Upcoming GYN visit
On Monday, I go in for my annual gynecological visit. I've got a couple things I want to talk with Dr. B about.
1) My cycles are getting shorter. I haven't kept strict records, but it seems like they keep getting shorter with this last one only being about three weeks long. Plus, I was spotting for about four days after AF supposedly ended. Not normal.
2) With the weight I've lost so far (75 pounds), what does he think about us TTC again. Does he think we have a chance going the low tech route of IUIs? Since of course, it seems like everyone who loses weight can now get pregnant (isn't that the old wives tail?). Can he do IUI or do I need to go back to our RE? And if so, which one? Or should we just save our money and go the donor route?
I find myself being reluctant to start up again with the TTC. That path is a rocky bitch that tears me up, both physically and mentally. Not only is it rough on me, but Hubby as well. I wonder if I can do it again. Getting my hopes up to only be crushed by the onset of AF. Shooting myself up with all those damn hormones that make me a raging bitch one second, a weeping fool the next. Oh, and let's not even get started on the money aspect of it. Or the comments from well meaning family and friends who tell about their friend's daughter who blah blah blah so of course it must work for us too.
Can you tell that TTC is not easy? That it's not cheap. That it takes its toll on those who are trying to do it? That it tries our faith. Even Hubby was wondering if our lack of having children was some form of punishment for something he or I did in our past. How jacked up is that? But those thoughts are with us. Wondering why not us and why some poor little teenage girl who has no business having a child, much less two or three before she even turns 20?
I feel like I should be psyching myself up for this again. But how do you do that? How can you prepare yourself for the onslaught of TTC? Especially when you've been there, done that, refused to buy the t-shirt? How can you prepare yourself for another round of self-induced pain and torture? Without even the reassurance of it working? Those rose-colored glasses have not only been removed, but tossed in the garbage bin long ago, to never be worn again. We clearly see what is on the horizon, we don't want to be lulled into a sense of "just knowing" it will work. That TTC cherry was popped a long time ago.
1) My cycles are getting shorter. I haven't kept strict records, but it seems like they keep getting shorter with this last one only being about three weeks long. Plus, I was spotting for about four days after AF supposedly ended. Not normal.
2) With the weight I've lost so far (75 pounds), what does he think about us TTC again. Does he think we have a chance going the low tech route of IUIs? Since of course, it seems like everyone who loses weight can now get pregnant (isn't that the old wives tail?). Can he do IUI or do I need to go back to our RE? And if so, which one? Or should we just save our money and go the donor route?
I find myself being reluctant to start up again with the TTC. That path is a rocky bitch that tears me up, both physically and mentally. Not only is it rough on me, but Hubby as well. I wonder if I can do it again. Getting my hopes up to only be crushed by the onset of AF. Shooting myself up with all those damn hormones that make me a raging bitch one second, a weeping fool the next. Oh, and let's not even get started on the money aspect of it. Or the comments from well meaning family and friends who tell about their friend's daughter who blah blah blah so of course it must work for us too.
Can you tell that TTC is not easy? That it's not cheap. That it takes its toll on those who are trying to do it? That it tries our faith. Even Hubby was wondering if our lack of having children was some form of punishment for something he or I did in our past. How jacked up is that? But those thoughts are with us. Wondering why not us and why some poor little teenage girl who has no business having a child, much less two or three before she even turns 20?
I feel like I should be psyching myself up for this again. But how do you do that? How can you prepare yourself for the onslaught of TTC? Especially when you've been there, done that, refused to buy the t-shirt? How can you prepare yourself for another round of self-induced pain and torture? Without even the reassurance of it working? Those rose-colored glasses have not only been removed, but tossed in the garbage bin long ago, to never be worn again. We clearly see what is on the horizon, we don't want to be lulled into a sense of "just knowing" it will work. That TTC cherry was popped a long time ago.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
The new lube
I was reading an article on WebMD on "8 Ways to Boost Your Fertility." It had some things that a newbie to TTC would find helpful, but for those like me who have already dug into the IVF trenches might not find that helpful. However, #7 was very interesting. See below:
7. His & Her Fertility Booster: Check That Lubricant
With more frequent intercourse, couples may turn more to vaginal lubricants. That's OK, doctors concur, if the lubes are picked wisely.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, some lubricants can actually decrease fertility. That's because some have spermicides.
What to use? "Canola oil," says Gibbons.
"Even peanut oil is good," says McClure. It's crucial, he says, to avoid lubricant with spermicidal agents.
Impromptu household lubes may not be good either, he says. "I had a patient yesterday with a great [sperm] count and no motility [swimming ability]," McClure says. When he asked a few more questions, he got the root of the problem. "He was using soap for a lubricant." So he informed the patient, "Soap killed the sperm."
You also want to avoid commercially available water-based lubricants. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, commercially available water-based lubricants, such as Astroglide, KY Jelly, and Touch may inhibit sperm motility by 60% to 100% within 60 minutes of incubation. Canola oil, however, did not have the same effect.
The studies comparing lubricants have been published over the years in a variety of journals, including Human Reproduction and Fertility and Sterility.
We used to use PreSeed, but have ran out of it. We sometimes will use an oil based lube from Kama Sutra (sp?) but have been concerned if it was keeping the little guys from getting where they need to be. Plus it's expensive, close to $20 for a little 4 ounce bottle (though it tastes good).
Maybe I'll just keep me a little bottle of Kroger's canola oil by the bed for future use.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Bathroom remodel project
We're finally getting on the ball for remodeling our bathroom. Hubby has stripped all the stuff off the walls. We've got someone coming in a couple weeks to rip out the carpet and lay the new tile which we purchased at Lowe's yesterday. It's a classic marble gray, really pretty. I think it will look good with the soft gray walls and the raspberry tub/toilet/sink that are in there now.
We were in Lowe's for 1.5 hours last evening, picking out everything and getting an appliance ordered. We're able to take advantage of the 12 months same as cash financing program that they have, which is great. We normally do one project at a time, get it paid off in six to twelve months, then start on the next project. That's how we've been able to get a new washer/dryer, refrigerator, windows, and sod. We take on one major project a summer or winter following this strategy.
Tonight I'll take some "before" pictures of the bathroom, although they won't be actual before pictures, since we've already removed the towel bars, the mirror and the medicine cabinet. But you'll get to see the really ugly yucky carpet and the old paint, then when we get everything done, I'll post the after pictures.
The thing I'm looking forward to most is just getting rid of that carpet. The toilet overflowed a couple of weeks ago, and despite the fact that we dried it using fans, it's just unpleasant smelling.
In other IF news, I'm hoping we can take advantage of my ovulation this month, in that I've heard that leftover meds in the system after a failed IVF can still produce an egg or two. We'll see how it goes.
We were in Lowe's for 1.5 hours last evening, picking out everything and getting an appliance ordered. We're able to take advantage of the 12 months same as cash financing program that they have, which is great. We normally do one project at a time, get it paid off in six to twelve months, then start on the next project. That's how we've been able to get a new washer/dryer, refrigerator, windows, and sod. We take on one major project a summer or winter following this strategy.
Tonight I'll take some "before" pictures of the bathroom, although they won't be actual before pictures, since we've already removed the towel bars, the mirror and the medicine cabinet. But you'll get to see the really ugly yucky carpet and the old paint, then when we get everything done, I'll post the after pictures.
The thing I'm looking forward to most is just getting rid of that carpet. The toilet overflowed a couple of weeks ago, and despite the fact that we dried it using fans, it's just unpleasant smelling.
In other IF news, I'm hoping we can take advantage of my ovulation this month, in that I've heard that leftover meds in the system after a failed IVF can still produce an egg or two. We'll see how it goes.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Avoidance and hermitizing (my new word)
This weekend was one of parking my car in my garage Friday night after getting off work, and it not leaving until this morning, when it was time to go to work. I avoided everyone this weekend. Except for Hubby. He and I are trying to heal, and it makes it easier for me to be just around him while I am healing, because he knows what I'm going through.
We did eat out Friday night. We talked a bit about how I'm doing. I told him to read my post from Friday morning. I am not very good at verbalizing my emotions without crying like a baby. So when we got home later that evening and was laying in bed, we just talked about our options. We haven't made any decisions by any means, but it's nice to at least talk a bit about them.
I didn't go to church on Sunday as I wanted to avoid the whole Father's Day thing. Self-preservation is what I call it.
So I was pretty much a hermit the entire weekend, until Hubby asked if I wanted to go to the Drive In to watch a movie. We watched Year One (please don't waste your time or money on this movie). If I would have brought a little radio and my canvas chair, I would have watched The Proposal, as it was on the screen next to us. Our Drive In has three screens, and you get the sound through a FM frequency. It's pretty neat!
I'm still trying to read The Land of If, but not getting very far very fast. I wish I would have had this to read about a year or so ago. I'm thinking of just skipping it and reading Silent Sorority instead. I think that it would be more useful right now.
Thanks for all the encouraging words the past week or so. It really does mean a lot to me to have your support.
We did eat out Friday night. We talked a bit about how I'm doing. I told him to read my post from Friday morning. I am not very good at verbalizing my emotions without crying like a baby. So when we got home later that evening and was laying in bed, we just talked about our options. We haven't made any decisions by any means, but it's nice to at least talk a bit about them.
I didn't go to church on Sunday as I wanted to avoid the whole Father's Day thing. Self-preservation is what I call it.
So I was pretty much a hermit the entire weekend, until Hubby asked if I wanted to go to the Drive In to watch a movie. We watched Year One (please don't waste your time or money on this movie). If I would have brought a little radio and my canvas chair, I would have watched The Proposal, as it was on the screen next to us. Our Drive In has three screens, and you get the sound through a FM frequency. It's pretty neat!
I'm still trying to read The Land of If, but not getting very far very fast. I wish I would have had this to read about a year or so ago. I'm thinking of just skipping it and reading Silent Sorority instead. I think that it would be more useful right now.
Thanks for all the encouraging words the past week or so. It really does mean a lot to me to have your support.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
The pain became physical
After my last PIO shot on Wednesday, the nurse said it would take a few days for AF to show up. I thought she did yesterday, but that was just a tease. Today she reared her ugly head and made the pain of the BFN physical, not just mental.
Despite having taken 3 extra strength Tyl.enol and 3 ibuprofens, the cramps are horrid. I'm assuming I have a great lining that needs shedding, therefore the cramps to rid my uterus of that wasted lining.
I cried again pretty good today, this time at church. Hubby stood up during prayer requests, to not only give an update, but to ask for continued prayer. The tears started flowing then, but then the pastor had everyone come around me during the prayer to pray for us, and one lady got me in a bear hug, and I just lost it and started sobbing. I know that all of this falls under God's will, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear. The questions are there. Are we not good enough? What have we done wrong? Are we being punished? Tested? Or is it just not the right time yet? All these questions and no answers.
Dr. S called me yesterday morning to express his dismay that the cycle didn't work and to ask if we have thought of what we might like to do next. I ran something by him that we have been thinking about, but it really isn't a feasible solution. Of course, I told him that money was an issue. Even though our insurance covers up to six IVF attempts, it has a lifetime maximum benefit of $10,000, and we only have around $1,100 left. He was a bit dismayed about that, considering $10,000 really doesn't go very far.
So at this point in time, we are still just trying to grieve the failure of this cycle. We really aren't in a position to talk next step, not yet anyway. Until then, we are just coasting.
Despite having taken 3 extra strength Tyl.enol and 3 ibuprofens, the cramps are horrid. I'm assuming I have a great lining that needs shedding, therefore the cramps to rid my uterus of that wasted lining.
I cried again pretty good today, this time at church. Hubby stood up during prayer requests, to not only give an update, but to ask for continued prayer. The tears started flowing then, but then the pastor had everyone come around me during the prayer to pray for us, and one lady got me in a bear hug, and I just lost it and started sobbing. I know that all of this falls under God's will, but it doesn't make it any easier to bear. The questions are there. Are we not good enough? What have we done wrong? Are we being punished? Tested? Or is it just not the right time yet? All these questions and no answers.
Dr. S called me yesterday morning to express his dismay that the cycle didn't work and to ask if we have thought of what we might like to do next. I ran something by him that we have been thinking about, but it really isn't a feasible solution. Of course, I told him that money was an issue. Even though our insurance covers up to six IVF attempts, it has a lifetime maximum benefit of $10,000, and we only have around $1,100 left. He was a bit dismayed about that, considering $10,000 really doesn't go very far.
So at this point in time, we are still just trying to grieve the failure of this cycle. We really aren't in a position to talk next step, not yet anyway. Until then, we are just coasting.
Friday, June 12, 2009
The telling
The down side to telling so many people that your going through IVF is having to tell them it didn't work, then try to get through their pitying looks, their remarks, their hugs, and my tears. It really and truly does suck!
Don't get me wrong, having the support is great, but the emotions are so raw right now that it is so hard to say it didn't work without breaking down. And unfortunately, I told quite a few people at work.
I've actually known since Sunday afternoon that I wasn't pregnant. I took a clear blue easy test after we got back from Snowmass, and when it was negative, I rationalized that it was afternoon pee, so it could be a false negative.
Monday morning, I peed again, but this time using an expired digital exam. It too came up negative, but I again thought, oh, it was expired, it could be a false negative, so Hubby and I decided to just wait until we got the results back from the beta tests before we made anything public.
My RE's practice is to do two beta blood tests, and then tell you the results after the second test, so that they can see if the numbers are doubling or not. Obviously, mine weren't doubling, because even if you double zero, you still get zero. I got the call Wednesday afternoon between breaks in meetings for work. Luckily I was by myself when the call came in, but because I ~ knew ~ already, it wasn't as big of a shock as it could have been. I had already done a lot of crying Monday (thank God I was off work that day). But still, getting news like that with others around would not have been pleasant.
When Hubby and I saw each other that evening, we just went to each other and hugged and cried. What else could we do. We knew with almost certainty that our one and only chance at becoming parents had passed us by. That brass ring, that seemed so close to our finger tips, just whooshed by without our having been able to grab it.
I don't know what we're going to do now. We're still letting it sink in before we make any decisions. I'm sure we'll meet with the RE to do a follow up meeting to discuss the cycle and what our options are. Since money is a huge issue, we may not have any options, unless we start fund raising now. I wonder how many bake sales and car washes it would take to raise about $20,000 for another cycle?
Thank you, each and every one of you, who read my blog, and post your comments of support. Knowing that you have been here with me, throughout this entire journey, has been such comfort to me. I hope that if you are still on your journey, that you are able to get what we've not been able to so far. And if you have decided to take a different route, well, perhaps you can share your new experiences with me, so that we can see what life might be like if we too were to get off this road and go down another.
Don't get me wrong, having the support is great, but the emotions are so raw right now that it is so hard to say it didn't work without breaking down. And unfortunately, I told quite a few people at work.
I've actually known since Sunday afternoon that I wasn't pregnant. I took a clear blue easy test after we got back from Snowmass, and when it was negative, I rationalized that it was afternoon pee, so it could be a false negative.
Monday morning, I peed again, but this time using an expired digital exam. It too came up negative, but I again thought, oh, it was expired, it could be a false negative, so Hubby and I decided to just wait until we got the results back from the beta tests before we made anything public.
My RE's practice is to do two beta blood tests, and then tell you the results after the second test, so that they can see if the numbers are doubling or not. Obviously, mine weren't doubling, because even if you double zero, you still get zero. I got the call Wednesday afternoon between breaks in meetings for work. Luckily I was by myself when the call came in, but because I ~ knew ~ already, it wasn't as big of a shock as it could have been. I had already done a lot of crying Monday (thank God I was off work that day). But still, getting news like that with others around would not have been pleasant.
When Hubby and I saw each other that evening, we just went to each other and hugged and cried. What else could we do. We knew with almost certainty that our one and only chance at becoming parents had passed us by. That brass ring, that seemed so close to our finger tips, just whooshed by without our having been able to grab it.
I don't know what we're going to do now. We're still letting it sink in before we make any decisions. I'm sure we'll meet with the RE to do a follow up meeting to discuss the cycle and what our options are. Since money is a huge issue, we may not have any options, unless we start fund raising now. I wonder how many bake sales and car washes it would take to raise about $20,000 for another cycle?
Thank you, each and every one of you, who read my blog, and post your comments of support. Knowing that you have been here with me, throughout this entire journey, has been such comfort to me. I hope that if you are still on your journey, that you are able to get what we've not been able to so far. And if you have decided to take a different route, well, perhaps you can share your new experiences with me, so that we can see what life might be like if we too were to get off this road and go down another.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
7dp3dt
Been keeping busy this week. Trying not to dwell on the what-ifs. Praying every night that the embryos are snuggling in my uterus wall (I specifically say that so that they don't snuggle elsewhere). Staying sane so far.
We leave tomorrow to go to Snowmass for a chili cook off. I got the okay from my nurse that the elevation won't be a factor and that I can even go swimming in the heated pool! She said to make sure I take breaks and walk around during the drive, which is between 5-6 hours.
We'll get back Sunday evening, so I'm hoping I won't give much thought to testing the entire weekend. I'll go in on Monday for the first beta, and again on Wednesday for the second. Monday I'll be so busy with doing laundry and putting everything away from our trip that I won't (hopefully) be able to think about the results. I'll be super busy at work Tuesday and Wednesday, which is a plus.
When I went in for my P4 blood work this morning, I asked my friend that works there if she can call me with the results, and she said no. Dang it, I have to wait!
I told Hubby this morning that he needs to hide the pee sticks so I'm not tempted to test before the betas. After peeing this morning, I pulled out my drawer where I have them, and was thinking how easy it would be to test (of course, not then as I had already peed). That's why I asked him to hide the tests.
Rest assured, though, that if we do get a positive beta, I'll be peeing on my digital test so that I can actually have a stick that says "Pregnant."
We leave tomorrow to go to Snowmass for a chili cook off. I got the okay from my nurse that the elevation won't be a factor and that I can even go swimming in the heated pool! She said to make sure I take breaks and walk around during the drive, which is between 5-6 hours.
We'll get back Sunday evening, so I'm hoping I won't give much thought to testing the entire weekend. I'll go in on Monday for the first beta, and again on Wednesday for the second. Monday I'll be so busy with doing laundry and putting everything away from our trip that I won't (hopefully) be able to think about the results. I'll be super busy at work Tuesday and Wednesday, which is a plus.
When I went in for my P4 blood work this morning, I asked my friend that works there if she can call me with the results, and she said no. Dang it, I have to wait!
I told Hubby this morning that he needs to hide the pee sticks so I'm not tempted to test before the betas. After peeing this morning, I pulled out my drawer where I have them, and was thinking how easy it would be to test (of course, not then as I had already peed). That's why I asked him to hide the tests.
Rest assured, though, that if we do get a positive beta, I'll be peeing on my digital test so that I can actually have a stick that says "Pregnant."
Saturday, May 30, 2009
3dp3dt - :0)
Heh, that's the first time I've ever gotten to say that! Well, except for when Nancy and I were texting this morning. Just how cool is that? Three days past three day transfer.
Hubby has been cute. Making sure that I don't over-extend myself. He wasn't too sure that I should go out to lunch yesterday as he didn't want me going up and down the stairs, but I took them slow and easy. It was good to get out, as I was getting a bit stir crazy. Today he asked me to change my shorts, as he thought the ones I was wearing were too tight, even though they weren't.
We were watching the original "Breakfast at Tiffany's" this afternoon and he thought we should name our daughter after the main character. No, not "Holly" but "LuluMay." Ugh, I don't think so!
Yesterday it was so weird, with the nausea, I mean. I felt like that all day, even before I gave myself the booster shot. I think I was just reacting to the PIO, and maybe even the hcg. Who knows?
Tomorrow I'll be going to church. It's the last day of bed rest, but I'll be sure to take it easy. We're having a going away pot luck lunch for a couple in the church who is moving to Denver. I don't want to miss wishing them well.
I've been debating whether to put up a picture of the embryos or not. I feel like I want to keep them to myself right now. We've shown our mothers and one of my friends, but that's about it. I just want to hold them tight for now, if that makes any sense. Plus, we don't have a scanner so I'd have to take a photo of them and post that, so the quality wouldn't be that great.
Hubby and I have been talking about when, and if, we'll test. Our betas aren't until 6/8 & 6/10. I'm having the tests done here in town, but the doc won't get the hormone results (P4 & E2) until the day after, but he'll get the hcg result the same day. Their policy is not to call with the results until after the 2nd test, to see the the beta is properly increasing. So maybe I'll test then, who knows? I've got plenty of time between now and then to change my mind a million times.
Hubby has been cute. Making sure that I don't over-extend myself. He wasn't too sure that I should go out to lunch yesterday as he didn't want me going up and down the stairs, but I took them slow and easy. It was good to get out, as I was getting a bit stir crazy. Today he asked me to change my shorts, as he thought the ones I was wearing were too tight, even though they weren't.
We were watching the original "Breakfast at Tiffany's" this afternoon and he thought we should name our daughter after the main character. No, not "Holly" but "LuluMay." Ugh, I don't think so!
Yesterday it was so weird, with the nausea, I mean. I felt like that all day, even before I gave myself the booster shot. I think I was just reacting to the PIO, and maybe even the hcg. Who knows?
Tomorrow I'll be going to church. It's the last day of bed rest, but I'll be sure to take it easy. We're having a going away pot luck lunch for a couple in the church who is moving to Denver. I don't want to miss wishing them well.
I've been debating whether to put up a picture of the embryos or not. I feel like I want to keep them to myself right now. We've shown our mothers and one of my friends, but that's about it. I just want to hold them tight for now, if that makes any sense. Plus, we don't have a scanner so I'd have to take a photo of them and post that, so the quality wouldn't be that great.
Hubby and I have been talking about when, and if, we'll test. Our betas aren't until 6/8 & 6/10. I'm having the tests done here in town, but the doc won't get the hormone results (P4 & E2) until the day after, but he'll get the hcg result the same day. Their policy is not to call with the results until after the 2nd test, to see the the beta is properly increasing. So maybe I'll test then, who knows? I've got plenty of time between now and then to change my mind a million times.
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
3 Day Transfer & Protocol Answers
The embryologist called this morning to say that all three embryos are dividing, we have two 3-cells, and one 2-cell. We are on for a 3-day transfer tomorrow. Hubby and I have to make the big decision as to how many to transfer. He's thinking percentages and odds, I'm thinking of avoiding complications of multiples. Hopefully we can come up with a compromise that works all the way around.
A couple commenters asked about the protocol I've been on. I don't know the exact term, as I'm really bad with keeping terms straight, but here are the meds I've been on:
DHEA, 75 mg, since 1/10/09
Bravelle, 300 IU, day 3
Menopur, 300 IU, day 3
Saizen, 0.8 ml, day 3
Ganirelix, 225 IU, day 5
Dexamethasone, day 3
Folic acid, 1 mg, day 1
Multi-vitamin (not prenatal) day 1
Prenatals up to day 1
Since trigger on Friday, I've added:
Medrol, 64 mg (the nastiest tasting pills I've ever taken)
Doxycyclene, 2x day, for 5 days, including day before ER and starting again day after ER
Baby aspirin
Folic acid
Multi-vitamin
PIO, 50 ml in a.m.
HCG booster on 5/26, and 2 other dates I don't have in front of me right now
I hope this helps the other poor responders out there.
A couple commenters asked about the protocol I've been on. I don't know the exact term, as I'm really bad with keeping terms straight, but here are the meds I've been on:
DHEA, 75 mg, since 1/10/09
Bravelle, 300 IU, day 3
Menopur, 300 IU, day 3
Saizen, 0.8 ml, day 3
Ganirelix, 225 IU, day 5
Dexamethasone, day 3
Folic acid, 1 mg, day 1
Multi-vitamin (not prenatal) day 1
Prenatals up to day 1
Since trigger on Friday, I've added:
Medrol, 64 mg (the nastiest tasting pills I've ever taken)
Doxycyclene, 2x day, for 5 days, including day before ER and starting again day after ER
Baby aspirin
Folic acid
Multi-vitamin
PIO, 50 ml in a.m.
HCG booster on 5/26, and 2 other dates I don't have in front of me right now
I hope this helps the other poor responders out there.
Monday, May 25, 2009
100% mature, 100% fertilized
The call came in this morning from S, the embryologist. She first apologized for not being there yesterday, but she was recovering from a head cold and didn't want to take the chance of getting us sick. Which I appreciate.
She said that all three eggs were mature, did they ICSI on them, and all three fertilized! I'm so HAPPY! She said she'd call again tomorrow morning with how they are growing, and to set up the transfer.
Thank you, everyone, for all your well wishes, your good thoughts, your prayers. They are working!
She said that all three eggs were mature, did they ICSI on them, and all three fertilized! I'm so HAPPY! She said she'd call again tomorrow morning with how they are growing, and to set up the transfer.
Thank you, everyone, for all your well wishes, your good thoughts, your prayers. They are working!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Left ovary was a disappointment
Today went well, for the most part. After I said a last minute prayer asking for calmness, the A guy asked me if I were getting sleepy yet. I said no. He asked me again, and I said a little. Next thing I know, I'm waking up and it's all done.
They were able to retrieve three eggs, which was disappointing to me, since I had at least five good follies going on, with a total of nine follies. It seems that two of the good follies were on my left ovary, which the doctor just couldn't get to. I knew this was a possibility, but it sucks to know that I'm limited to what my right ovary can produce.
Apparently, when they started to drain the first follicle, I must have felt something, because I jerked my leg, and about knocked the poor nurse over. She was being told to do something by the doctor, suck out the follie fluid, or something, and she was trying to, while also trying to put my leg back up. I guess I also was grabbing at the cannula in my nose, though of course, I don't remember this. I guess I'm not that cooperative under sedation.
I do admit to crying some when I came out, mostly because of only getting three eggs. But also because the cramps hurt like a SOB! They brought me some Tylenol, which did kick in after a while. Today's recovery has been pretty good. The ride home was okay as I took my pillow with me and laid my seat back, and slept most of the way. What has been most sore, though, is that each time when I need to pee, my bladder acts like it's over-full, and it hurts. You know, when you've gone to a theater and have just finished watching a 2.5 hour movie after drinking the large soda, because, you know, it's only $0.25 more, and now you have to pee so bad, that it hurts to stand up straight? That kind of hurt. I'm assuming it's all just par for the course.
I do remember when I woke up, looking over in the corner of the room, and seeing Hubby all decked out in his surgical gown, mask and cap. All he needed was a stethoscope around his neck, and he'd be Dr. Hubby.
So I guess while I am disappointed with the results, I am also happy with the results. This was more than my old RE ever was able to get out of me. So that's a definite plus. And assuming that all goes well in the next few days, I will get my chance. And that is all I ever wanted. A chance.
They were able to retrieve three eggs, which was disappointing to me, since I had at least five good follies going on, with a total of nine follies. It seems that two of the good follies were on my left ovary, which the doctor just couldn't get to. I knew this was a possibility, but it sucks to know that I'm limited to what my right ovary can produce.
Apparently, when they started to drain the first follicle, I must have felt something, because I jerked my leg, and about knocked the poor nurse over. She was being told to do something by the doctor, suck out the follie fluid, or something, and she was trying to, while also trying to put my leg back up. I guess I also was grabbing at the cannula in my nose, though of course, I don't remember this. I guess I'm not that cooperative under sedation.
I do admit to crying some when I came out, mostly because of only getting three eggs. But also because the cramps hurt like a SOB! They brought me some Tylenol, which did kick in after a while. Today's recovery has been pretty good. The ride home was okay as I took my pillow with me and laid my seat back, and slept most of the way. What has been most sore, though, is that each time when I need to pee, my bladder acts like it's over-full, and it hurts. You know, when you've gone to a theater and have just finished watching a 2.5 hour movie after drinking the large soda, because, you know, it's only $0.25 more, and now you have to pee so bad, that it hurts to stand up straight? That kind of hurt. I'm assuming it's all just par for the course.
I do remember when I woke up, looking over in the corner of the room, and seeing Hubby all decked out in his surgical gown, mask and cap. All he needed was a stethoscope around his neck, and he'd be Dr. Hubby.
So I guess while I am disappointed with the results, I am also happy with the results. This was more than my old RE ever was able to get out of me. So that's a definite plus. And assuming that all goes well in the next few days, I will get my chance. And that is all I ever wanted. A chance.
Friday, May 22, 2009
Trigger tonight at 8:30!!
Oh my goodness! It's really happening. I'll trigger tonight at 8:30, no more meds except my vitamins and the nexium. Retrieval is Sunday morning at 8:30. Wow! Oh wow!
I'm about to cry I'm so happy! Please say a prayer, cross your fingers, think good thoughts that everything goes well and that my follicles have nice plump juicy mature eggs in them and that they accept Hubby's sperm, and grow!
I'm not sure I know what to do with all this excitement! Maybe I need a few more exclamation points!!!!!!!!!
~~~Let's dance~~~
I'm about to cry I'm so happy! Please say a prayer, cross your fingers, think good thoughts that everything goes well and that my follicles have nice plump juicy mature eggs in them and that they accept Hubby's sperm, and grow!
I'm not sure I know what to do with all this excitement! Maybe I need a few more exclamation points!!!!!!!!!
~~~Let's dance~~~
So tired
What a week it's been. My response to this protocol has been great! As of my u/s this morning, I have 9 follies, but 5 of them are of the right size and will be retrieved. I have to wait for the phone call this afternoon, but most likely we'll be triggering tonight and then have the retrieval on Sunday morning. You have no idea how excited I am. Every time I get a good news phone call from the nurse, I do a little dance and have this great big grin on my face.
The hormones have been good to me this time. I haven't been moody or irritable, except for today, just a bit, but only because I am so tired. Three days in one week of getting up at 5:00 or just before 5:00 is taking its toll on me. I am really looking forward to sleeping in on Monday. I won't have to take any shots that morning, so I won't have to be up early.
You know what's been really weird, and I apologize in advance for the TMI, but I have been getting up almost every night since I've started the stims to pee. I rarely have to do this, but this week it's been consistent. Perhaps my swollen ovaries are pushing on my bladder? I'm not sure.
The one thing I forgot to ask today but I'm sure it'll be fine until Sunday's retrieval is for the nurse to mark on my hips where we'll give the PIO shots. I want to make sure we're doing it in the right area. The nurse did give me some needles that I didn't receive with my pregnyl for the trigger and booster shots. They want those done IM, and the only long needles I have are 22 gauge. She gave me 27 gauge, 1 1/4", so that'll be easier to do.
While Hubby and I are very excited about the upcoming retrieval, it did cause us to cancel some plans we had for Sunday. He was to be present at the baby presentation at church for one of his employee's. I was supposed to be the greeter at church. But I'm totally okay with not doing this and doing the retrieval instead. I think God will forgive me.
The hormones have been good to me this time. I haven't been moody or irritable, except for today, just a bit, but only because I am so tired. Three days in one week of getting up at 5:00 or just before 5:00 is taking its toll on me. I am really looking forward to sleeping in on Monday. I won't have to take any shots that morning, so I won't have to be up early.
You know what's been really weird, and I apologize in advance for the TMI, but I have been getting up almost every night since I've started the stims to pee. I rarely have to do this, but this week it's been consistent. Perhaps my swollen ovaries are pushing on my bladder? I'm not sure.
The one thing I forgot to ask today but I'm sure it'll be fine until Sunday's retrieval is for the nurse to mark on my hips where we'll give the PIO shots. I want to make sure we're doing it in the right area. The nurse did give me some needles that I didn't receive with my pregnyl for the trigger and booster shots. They want those done IM, and the only long needles I have are 22 gauge. She gave me 27 gauge, 1 1/4", so that'll be easier to do.
While Hubby and I are very excited about the upcoming retrieval, it did cause us to cancel some plans we had for Sunday. He was to be present at the baby presentation at church for one of his employee's. I was supposed to be the greeter at church. But I'm totally okay with not doing this and doing the retrieval instead. I think God will forgive me.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
Ganirelix
I add this tonight. I'm to do the shot in my thigh, but I'm not sure exactly how I'm going to do it. Between my boobs and my tummy, it's kind of awkward to do it. I could have Hubby do it, but I need to do it tomorrow night anyway as I'll be at a function, so I need to figure out how I'm going to do it. I tried finding videos online, but wasn't able to.
If anyone has any tips, please share. Thanks!
If anyone has any tips, please share. Thanks!
Tuesday, May 19, 2009
It went well!
My appointment went well this morning, besides the fact that I was about 10 minutes late due to traffic and trying to give myself the shots before I left.
I had 7 visible follicles, ranging in size from .8 to 1.3. My lining was 7.9. I'll get my E2 level later this afternoon. The tech said it's possible I have more follies that will show up the further we go along.
I'm feeling good about this, but am waiting until I get the call this afternoon before I celebrate too much.
I had 7 visible follicles, ranging in size from .8 to 1.3. My lining was 7.9. I'll get my E2 level later this afternoon. The tech said it's possible I have more follies that will show up the further we go along.
I'm feeling good about this, but am waiting until I get the call this afternoon before I celebrate too much.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Clarification
I had previously posted that I wasn't cooking in the cook off because of the IVF cycle we're in, and I wasn't planning on it. However, since BIL won on Saturday, he had all the left over ingredients he had purchased to use for Sunday. Once you win, you no longer need to compete in that particular category. So I used his ingredients on Sunday, entered the salsa competition, and lightning struck twice! I have got to ask him where he buys his produce.
Hubby was sad that he didn't win on Sunday. Apparently he doesn't buy his produce at the same place either. lol
On a different note, I go into the doctor in the morning to see how I'm progressing. I've kind of feeling a few twinges, but who knows. I really hope that the DHEA and Saizen are doing their jobs. I didn't ask the nurse when she called what my E2 levels were, and I didn't even ask the tech how many antral follies there were. In fact, she didn't even measure the follies, just looked to see if there were cysts, which there weren't. Tomorrow I'll definitely have to ask.
Hubby was sad that he didn't win on Sunday. Apparently he doesn't buy his produce at the same place either. lol
On a different note, I go into the doctor in the morning to see how I'm progressing. I've kind of feeling a few twinges, but who knows. I really hope that the DHEA and Saizen are doing their jobs. I didn't ask the nurse when she called what my E2 levels were, and I didn't even ask the tech how many antral follies there were. In fact, she didn't even measure the follies, just looked to see if there were cysts, which there weren't. Tomorrow I'll definitely have to ask.
Friday, May 15, 2009
Day 2
I dragged my butt out of bed this morning at 5:09, so I could hit the road by 6:00. I managed to be on the interstate by about 6:10, so I hauled ass up to Denver for my appointment at 7:45. It never fails to amaze me that I always get there early, no matter how close I think I'm cutting it. I was there by 7:30. I figured that was good so I could be back on the road soon as I had my acupuncture appointment at 10:00.
I go in, get my blood drawn, go upstairs and sign in. The receptionist tells me I have a balance due of almost $7,500! WTF???? I say that this is news to me. I mistakenly thought that since I have insurance, that they would bill the insurance carrier as we go along, the insurance would do their thing, and then I'd get an EOB stating how much I owe. Um, no, that's not how it works.
After a bit of arguing and tears (damn those tears), I got them to agree to only charge me (at this time) what my insurance out of pocket maximum is, which is $3,000. Thank God I had my credit card with me. So, red eyed, streaked face, I go in for my ultra sound, not really looking forward to it.
It was a breeze! My left ovary has never behaved so well! The tech said it was hanging right there, clear as day. That was a welcome change. It normally hides behind my uterus and is painful to find. My lining is nice and thin, they way they want it on day 2. My ovaries are cyst free. So that is good.
Now I'm just waiting for the call back to make sure my blood work is acceptable and that we can get started. I sure hope so, because while I was there, I went ahead and had the nurse mix my Saizen. Heck, if I knew it was going to be that easy, I could have done it myself. She had told me that it had to be mixed into a separate vial, which the pharmacy hadn't provided. All she did was take out 5 ml of the water and dump it out, then mix a little with the powder, and put it back in. Assuming I need to order my second vial, I'll know what to do with that one.
I ended up about 10 minutes late to my acupuncture appointment. When I first laid down, it was nice to relax, but after she inserted the needles, there was no more relaxing. I just couldn't settle down. I tried not to think too much about the money issue, as I didn't want to get upset again. I couldn't really do any visualizing. So I just played a lot with the pillow and the head rest. When she came to take the needles out, she said that three of the four in my ear had reacted, meaning that they bled. She said that my adrenals really reacted. I asked what adrenals were, and she said something to the effect that they help us to get healthier. To be honest, I really didn't get it, even after she explained it. The only thing I could think was that maybe it was the stress of the morning that caused them to react.
Now I just wait. I'll be carrying my cell phone with me where ever I go in the office this afternoon. Don't want to miss the call.
I go in, get my blood drawn, go upstairs and sign in. The receptionist tells me I have a balance due of almost $7,500! WTF???? I say that this is news to me. I mistakenly thought that since I have insurance, that they would bill the insurance carrier as we go along, the insurance would do their thing, and then I'd get an EOB stating how much I owe. Um, no, that's not how it works.
After a bit of arguing and tears (damn those tears), I got them to agree to only charge me (at this time) what my insurance out of pocket maximum is, which is $3,000. Thank God I had my credit card with me. So, red eyed, streaked face, I go in for my ultra sound, not really looking forward to it.
It was a breeze! My left ovary has never behaved so well! The tech said it was hanging right there, clear as day. That was a welcome change. It normally hides behind my uterus and is painful to find. My lining is nice and thin, they way they want it on day 2. My ovaries are cyst free. So that is good.
Now I'm just waiting for the call back to make sure my blood work is acceptable and that we can get started. I sure hope so, because while I was there, I went ahead and had the nurse mix my Saizen. Heck, if I knew it was going to be that easy, I could have done it myself. She had told me that it had to be mixed into a separate vial, which the pharmacy hadn't provided. All she did was take out 5 ml of the water and dump it out, then mix a little with the powder, and put it back in. Assuming I need to order my second vial, I'll know what to do with that one.
I ended up about 10 minutes late to my acupuncture appointment. When I first laid down, it was nice to relax, but after she inserted the needles, there was no more relaxing. I just couldn't settle down. I tried not to think too much about the money issue, as I didn't want to get upset again. I couldn't really do any visualizing. So I just played a lot with the pillow and the head rest. When she came to take the needles out, she said that three of the four in my ear had reacted, meaning that they bled. She said that my adrenals really reacted. I asked what adrenals were, and she said something to the effect that they help us to get healthier. To be honest, I really didn't get it, even after she explained it. The only thing I could think was that maybe it was the stress of the morning that caused them to react.
Now I just wait. I'll be carrying my cell phone with me where ever I go in the office this afternoon. Don't want to miss the call.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Must. Have. Coffee.
This not having any caffeine is for the birds.
I'm cheating today. Probably more than once.
Definitely this morning - stayed up late last night getting laundry ready for this weekend's class reunion trip I'm taking.
Most likely tonight - as I drive back to my hometown. Four hour drive and not leaving until after work at 5:00.
Must. Have. Coffee.
I'm cheating today. Probably more than once.
Definitely this morning - stayed up late last night getting laundry ready for this weekend's class reunion trip I'm taking.
Most likely tonight - as I drive back to my hometown. Four hour drive and not leaving until after work at 5:00.
Must. Have. Coffee.
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